Awesome.

It seems a successor to the ubiquitous Chuck Norris Facts meme has arisen. The target? Action movie director Michael Bay.

In the wake of the new Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen movie a stream of Michael Bay Facts has been pouring out of twitter, and as with Chuck Norris Facts, most are hysterical.

Since Michael Bay Facts mock their target rather than revere him (he really is a shitty director, though I loved Transformers: ROTF), and since Michael Bay will never be bad-ass like Chuck Norris, I’m sure this meme will be quite short lived. With that in mind, get them while the getting is good. I see io9 has posted some of their favorites, and I’d like to do the same.

These are some of my favs:

• jbneal: When you fist-pound Michael Bay, your hand literally blows up.
• MattCox: In some states, it’s illegal to say “Michael Bay” in airports or crowded theaters.
• frontierwoman:To clear a hangover Michael Bay straps a grenade to his head and dives headfirst into empty swimming pools.
• burnflores: Michael Bay doesn’t like gum. He chews C4.
• chris7crows: Michael Bay emerged from the womb with a detonator in one hand and a supermodel in the other. His mother then exploded.
• MattCox: Bomb squad was at the library today. Someone returned Michael Bay’s autobiography.
• jpmccu: Michael Bay’s school film project is lost to the world, as it blew up from awesome. The audience ran away in slow motion.
• DJBullock: Michael doesn’t use a camera to film his movies. He burns the movie into the film using the heat of exploding orphanages.
• And possibly my favorite: mrbs: Michael Bay was preceeded down the birth canal by a dove in slow motion. And followed by a column of flame.

It seems Aimee_B_Loved has become the unnoficial queen of #MichaelBayFacts on twitter with a slew of great ones:

• Michael Bay literally fights fire with fire, but insists token minorities do so with clever, urban-sounding comments.
• Michael Bay sleeps on a bed of hot coals and uses bundles of dynamite as pillows.
• As an infant, Michael Bay had to recast his mother because her breasts weren’t big enough for the part.
• Michael Bay uses battery acid as lube.
• Michael Bay purposely edits out “sissy shit” like plot and character development.

And then some people are just Doing It Wrong:

• ABAwesome: There are approximately 94 people in the USA with the name “Michael Bay”
• Flonk2: Michael Bay was adopted.

See my own paltry (at least by comparison) MichaelBayFacts here, and let me know what your favorites are that I’ve missed, or if you think some up on your own, please share them!

Garfield Minus Garfield consistently makes me do a literal LOL (as opposed to the false LOL where we are actually laughing inside or LI). Underneath the humor, however, is a mixture of sadder emotions. View at least several strips and you may notice it becomes an intensely surreal experience, like the act of removing Garfield peels back a bright and happy layer exposing the intensely lonely life of a desparate, bi-polar middle-aged bachelor.

Dan Walsh has revealed the deeper side of Jim Davis’ art, a side that not even Davis himself realized knew was coming through his work. Walsh has shown us it’s not always about a silly hedonistic cat making a straight man of his owner. It’s about the human condition.

I am reminded of a powerfully insightful quote by the great Robert Anson Heinlein in Stranger in a Strange Land; one that makes me tear up almost every time I recall it:

I’ve found out why people laugh. They laugh because it hurts so much… because it’s the only thing that’ll make it stop hurting.

Garfield Minus Garfield makes us laugh because the loneliness and strangeness of Jon Arbuckle’s life hurts us, and may even strike something personal in our own lives.

It’s funny and it’s brilliant, and you should go read some the next time you have a spare moment.

If you’re like me… then you really need some help, dude. But kidding and warped sense of humor aside, if you’re like me then you a) love internet memes, and b) cannot make it to ROFLCON 2008 *ARRGGG*!

Fear not, dear friends, for you needn’t An Hero nor sit at home alone in the dark all weekend. Instead, you can sit at home alone on the internet, watching live footage and updates and picture from ROFLCON all weekend!!!1SHIFT How fun?

Sauces include live video from ustream, a flickr pool, twitters, and bright kite. So as not to whore out other’s hard work, go to roflcon.org for the links to these delicious little media morsels.

I’ll be on most of these services as euicho, on and off over the weekend. If you see me on there, say hi!

Subject: she has already gone to hospital…

Hello, [name deleted].

Listen to me carefully, i don’t know what your name is, but i’ll find you
and i’ll cripple you, because this is you who tempted her!!!
She has already gone to hospital, you’re next, this is evidence:
[URL deleted as it is some dangerous russian site]

The rick-roll, like a good 80% of all other hilarious memes on the internet, cometh from teh 4chan.

If you don’t know what 4chan is, you’re lucky. It is the asshole of the internet. Seriously, don’t google it. Don’t… I mean it. Okay, if you MUST, read this [NSFW]:.

Anyway, 4chan is an image board where immature boys, racists, the occasional camwhore, and pervs all go to anonymously discuss all sorts of terrible things. If you’ve ever seen The Aristocrats or know what The Aristocrats is, its pretty much that in web form.

Despite, or perhaps because of, the fact that many unsavory characters roam this website, many memes originate from this pit of despair. The ORLY owl, for example (ORLY came from somethingaweful forums, but not the owl) and all the great 300 macros [NSFW] like “I FORGET WHERE WE ARE DINING TONIGHT” came from 4chan, to name two mild examples.

Now, the Rick-roll is actually the successor to a much less funny trap called the Duckroll, in which a link that seems to point to a post earlier in a thread instead takes you to a video of a duck on wheels (duck + roll = duckroll) with a trippy song. Cute, I know, but not that funny really.

Anon (you do know “Anon” aka “Anonymous” comes from 4chan, don’t you? Yes THAT Anon) took this idea and ran with it, creating something far more infectious by using the amazing 80′s gem “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley. Much funnier than a duck on wheels. This became the Rick-roll, and now you know where the “roll” comes from! Now you may go off and rick-roll your friends, smug in the fact that you know the origins of the Rick-roll.

Damn I’ve been busy. I’m taking 18 credits this semester in an attempt to finish up my history minor and get my second degree done with. I’ve been neglecting the Internet Scrabble Club, which is sad because I do enjoy my scrabble. I’m going to play some tonight though. I also haven’t been climbing in a VERY long time and that makes me quite sad, so I’ll be doing that more in the very near future.

I went up home last weekend to visit with the guys. I didn’t get up there until Saturday evening and left Sunday afternoon, but I still had an awesome time. I’m bummed that I didn’t get a chance to see Jalbey, but I’ll be back up soon.

I hung out with Doody and Jason most of the time… well actually the whole time except for waking my Dad up at 5am making chinese food and eating supper with Amme’s mom and cousin. It was pretty awesome just catching up with them and hanging out. Jason found copies of *almost* all of the season 2 TMWS episodes from back in 2000, and then we found a bunch of intros and skits too! We’re pretty stoked to go through them and sample some funny moments to play in the new season. To celebrate, we called B on google talk and had a show with us all sitting around the old mixer board just like old times. We missed Jalbey though, and the rest of the guys. We’ll get anyone who wants to be into the next shows though. We’ve also revised our recording procedure so that shows will be up within 30 minutes of their recording, which should be every Thursday night.

We’re also going to revamp the TMWS website, as we’re not really “feeling it”, and we’ve set up a youtube account to post videos of our hillarious antics and such. For being a spontanious show with no outline, it came out pretty funny. Download it here, or click the iTunes link on that page to subscribe to the podcast. There is also a URL you can enter into any other podcatcher program you may use. Be warned, however, that this show is VERY explicit, and uses the C-word. Yeah, THAT C-word. Sorry Grammy.

Coming in this morning I was relieved to see no fly, at least until my boss, Doretta, matter-of-factly shouted “Theres a fly in here!” Then we saw 2, then 3. The fly had somehow replicated itself.

Kyle was sure he’d killed the fly, and now its back. Clearly this was no ordinary fly. This was one of the mythical armored flies: The Panzer-fliegen.

Thus began the great Man-Fly Conflict of July ’07. We have no garbage, no left out food, and so we have no idea where this intruder came from. We can only conclude it has come to dispatch us and take our place of work as its own. This will not be allowed to happen.

So far we have had no casualties, despite repeated touch-and-go’s off my head and morale-squelching glares from atop our monitors and partitions.

Fear not, my good men and women, for these beasts are not invincible. We have thus far smote 6 of our enemies, though it takes repeated attempts at bludgeoning to do them in. No Sir, one whack of the phone book or flying ketchup packet will not do, not against these able foes. I have directly hit the same fly no fewer than 3 times before finally doing it in. Unless my eyes deceive me the second to last time it pushed the packet off itself before taking once again to the air. Despite this, I am confident we will reign victorious over these winged intruders. I shall keep you posted as time makes itself available. Onward!

Update

After a long an harrowing battle, it appears we have come out the victor of our conflict with the Panzer-fliegen. The gory details are too terrible to name here, but suffice it to say that Kyle got several paper cuts, I still feel like theres a fly walking on my head, taunting me, and the garbage pale is littered with the tortured carcasses of mangled foes. Yes, the battle was fierce, and the fliegen were quite cunning and resourceful, however the zeal of our enemies in spite of the fact that we are many factors of 10 more massive than they, ultimately lead to their defeat. Barring a coming back from the dead, I’d say the great Man-Fly Conflict is over. Mission Accomplished ladies and gentlemen!

J: Well, you should develop your skills.

A: Perhaps you could develop it and add it to my source code.

J: Alas, I’m busy and I have to leave soon. . . .

A: Do you think we’ll ever fool people into thinking we’re alive?

J: No.

A: Are you serious?

J: Very serious.

Read the full article at discovermagazine.com

Have you ever had something trigger a memory or connection in your hind-brain, but it wouldn’t come to the surface? Tonight Amme was watching VH1 and that insufferable show “I Love New York” came on. If you’re fortunate enough to have never seen this show, its about this mentally unstable girl (nicknamed ‘New York’) and her quest for a “man”, with different men fighting over her. Think “Jerry Springer” meets “The Bachelorette” and you pretty much have the idea. Anyway, whenever I saw ‘New York’ on television, something would start nagging me. What was it? I couldn’t figure it out. I vaguely thought it was something to do with her resemblance to someone, possibly about her massive, titanic, eyebrows and eyelashes. Yet unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, it would pass as soon as I changed the channel.

Then tonight, out of the clear blue, it hit me. My high school teacher Mr. Willey would call it a “Wow Moment”. That instant when something finally clicks into place, like the key piece in a huge puzzle that lets you step back and comprehend the whole picture. Tonight I had my wow moment, and finally realized who “New York looked like:

Thats right, Janice, from “Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem” the Muppet Band. The resemblance goes beyond uncanny to almost eerie, while still maintaining its hilarity. Talk about a person looking like a caricature.
I do hope you fall to the floor in hysterics when you see this shouting “OMG! Thats so true!” Because even as I made these pictures, I was.

General

Adam’s website is mostly cool things he’s either made or collected over the years, and the general section basically introduces this, and gives you some background on the inventive and funny Mr. Savage. There isn’t a lot to see here, so let’s move on…

Commercial

Adam has worked in the Special Effects industry for years, and this section displays some of the work he’s done for various companies. Among them are a laser cut acrylic crane for First Union Bank, a torture device for Pizza Hut’s Mr. Bill, and a half-scale model of the Mars Viking Lander, which I particularly like, since I’m fascinated with Mars. He also talks about his work on the Coca-Cola commercial “Contraption” which was nominated for a Clio, but I can’t for the life of me find a version of it anywhere online *sigh*.

Design

This Section showcases Adam’s skill in sculpture and design. He has some great work here, especially if you have eclectic taste. I like the Frankenstein Biker Heart, Dolphin Spine, bionic eye, M1900 9-barrel, and of course the map of Middle earth.

TV Show

The TV Show pretty much just has some shots from the show. Nothing new to see here so we’ll move on.

Film

Adam has worked on some of my favorite films, like Star Wars, Space Cowboys,
A.I., and Bicentennial Man.

The eye-checker and robot pieces are two of my favorites from Bicentennial man. The eye-checker is extremely well done.

He’s also made some tiny sets for films like Space Cowboys and Titanic. Adam also showed off his fake radiator in one of the Mythbusters special.

Well, thats all there is to Adam Savage’s site. There isn’t a whole lot to write about, because its all visual! Go check it out, its worth the time, and if you did follow along, I hope you enjoyed perusing his collected works as much as I did. Stay strange people!

I’d like to take advantage of my blog by announcing that today is Amme and I’s 6 year dating Anniversary!

On December 6th, 2000, after knowing Amme for a few years, she finally got it through my thick skull that she liked me. Up until then I had though she was way out of my league. She had almost given up on me, but after we started spending time together for a couple weeks, I finally got the hint.

6 years later, and after thousands of ups and downs, happy, sad, stressful, and relaxing moments, we still know we are soulmates. The lovey-dovey eyes we gave each other that make people groan and make faces never stopped. I’ve never been happier, and I love her more every day. She is my strength and my understanding. She is everything I want and need. I’ve never known a kinder, more loving, funny, and intelligent woman, and I still can’t believe she’s mine.

Happy 6 Years Amme May, I love you.

The best part is that it is not a flashy mindless thrown-together sort of TV show. The hosts Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman are Visual Effects professionals who attack every myth using the scientific method, use physics and science researched by a crack team of behind-the-scenes specialists, and test each myth tirelessly and thoroughly to make sure their findings are correct.

I love the show so much that I’ve made DVDs of every episode, and I encourage you to watch every episode you can, however you can get your hands of them. The subject matter is fascinating. The hosts, including the “build team”, are hilarious, with Adam and Jamie having a classic Double Act relationship. You’ll probably even learn something while watching. And lets face it, these guys are doing things we can only do in our wildest dreams.

So, now that I’ve professed my affliction for this marvelous show, we can get down to what sparked all this. For some reason I came across links to both the M5 website (M5 is Jamie Hyneman’s visual effects company), and Adam Savage’s website. These weren’t hard to find mind you, I just hadn’t ever looked for them before. Both websites have a lot of really neat stuff for both Mythbusters fans, and those just interested in the cool, weird, unusual, and funny.

First, lets highlight some neat pages at M5…

Portfolio

The Portfolio, as you might imagine, makes up the bulk of the site. Here you will find a comprehensive list of Visual Effects projects M5 has undertaken over the years. There are Commercials, Films, and Prototypes. This area is still in progress, so some of the project pages are lacking description or images, but most are there. M5 has created puppets, models, robots, and all manner of gadgets over the years.

Of particular interest are This ingenious Chef Boyardee rolling can, The massive Monkeybone set, The famous 7-Up vending tank, and of course this great vintage shot of young Hyneman!

I’d like to see video links here, maybe from youtube/google video, alas not today.

Inside M5

This section is really neat because it gives us a sneak peek into M5I’s inner workings. As you’ve seen on Mythbusters, there are artifacts stuffed and dangling all over the place from past builds and projects. We also see some build tools like band and table saws, caulk, paint supplies, and CAD equipment. Also hanging out in M5I is a chatty rat, I believe from the Junkyard Wars commercial, and one of the guys from Naked Lunch looking like an alien autopsy photo. I’m not linking these, to encourage you to hunt them down yourself.

Staff

The staff section has a little bit about a couple of the people that make M5 function. As a side note, I stumbled upon this page by Cris Rocha who is apparently renting his family’s Villa, lol.

Departments

The Departments section gives us a look at the different areas of M5 that go into creating these crazy concoctions. Among them are the Modelshop, Moldmaking, Machine shop, Painting, Woodshop, Robotics, Electronics, Welding, and Fabrication.

The Machine shop is where their two-time champion BattleBot Blendo was constructed.

Press

The press area is that last area of the M5I site (besides Contact, which is just for companies wanting to hire M5). In this section you can view Article excerpts from magazines M5′s creations have been featured in.

Well, thats about all the fun stuff on the M5 Industries page. I really enjoy looking at the projects they’ve done in the past. I hope you do too!

I’ve decided to split this into a two-parter, and Adam Savage’s website has some really zaney stuff, so check out part two here.

So bill green = money, that’s all I got written down. The back of my hand, “bill green =$$”. What the fuck does that mean? Well it means tripping balls on chocolate psychedelics is not the way to a woman’s heart. To be honest with you I knew it was bad news when he said “I got what your guy wants and a buncha chocolate hallucinogens”

Editor’s Note: This entry is authored by: “Evan”
His “Rants” are here purely for entertainment and comic relief.
All of the views expressed in this and all rants are solely that of Evan.
Please don’t take them seriously. If you do… don’t come bitching to me… you’re the one that needs to change something.

Euicho.com and the contributing authors in no way endorse drug use of any kind. Hell, I’m (Thomas) Straight Edge. I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs, or have promiscuous sex. I’ve kept my edge for going on 5 years and It’s kept my life on track and kept me feeling in complete control. If I did those things, they would be a crutch to life, and I’d rather walk on my own. Evan, hes like a girl; girls just wanna have fu-un…

I always thought I could say no again. I guess I was wrong. These mushrooms, or psilocybin drugs known as “boomers”, ruined my whole visit to Farmington potentially, but not likely. They didn’t understand the act of tripping, I thought I was scaring Erin, I guess I wasn’t then apologizing actually did scare her. That’s why I left. The whole time I was at Erin’s tripping I felt like they didn’t understand the drugs I was on. They didn’t, and I made an ass of myself and frightened someone I potentially wanted to spend time with on this rare trip to Farmington. =-(
But when I threw together a cruddy drug deal and a decent drive to Farmington for $20 chocolates it was over. I started to understand what it was worth. Apparently 20 bucks and a chocolate was worth more than the drive, it seemed like it. I forgot that I conned Erin into drinking and Tara into drinking so I could see Karissa for a little while. I got fucked up enough that I didn’t really realize that a whole party was for me. It’s weird to realize in the middle of a trip that people gather and get scared all because of you. So Tony who was there at the very beginning of the trip felt like the only one who was in there with me, even though he had nothing to do with it. Matt Pichette threw the trip into over drive. And it wasn’t his fault either; I was the only one to blame for my reckless acts. Fuck what was I thinking, “I’ll impress some girl who already likes me by tripping balls… WOOOOO”

Dead wrong… Probably one of those worldly mistakes God won’t rip on me too hard for.
The drive down was nice though, I got to relax to a buncha different bands, I actually enjoyed Queens of the Stone Age while not fucked up. Kind of a different feel, I remember thinking how lucky I was to see this amazing girl without paying a thing. I talked to her about taking shroooms shortly before and helped her reach a decision that she shouldn’t do it, although I remained pretty neutral on the whole idea, she felt with just the facts she didn’t wanna do them. And here I was typing my experience while I was tripping balls on boomers. Tripping is bad Karissa, as I’m eating a fucking hallucinogen for discount prices. Its funny all the drug deals I’d helped with, just to get to this place, almost like I was destined to sell dope… and eat mushrooms.

Up north I hadn’t been very happy, working a half-assed job making half-assed money while I just let everyone believe I was on the way to a dream of blowing glass and being guilt free. Except that was the only thing I could escape, guilt. it sure feels heavy during a comedown at 2:39 am. Too bad Lorenzo was sleeping, I could sure use a reassurance I was actually alive. I’ve felt dead for a long time, never really enjoyed anything up north, except the few late hours talking online.
We asked such innocent questions. I felt like such an ass exposing her to something that I had helped her decide not to do. So here I was with this writing on my hand Bill green =$$.

It meant that I spent 20 dollars on some good chocolates I didn’t have, but I knew I could make if I sold a piece.

I took it too far maybe, relying on the fact I could sell things to take drugs with for money, on top of selling drugs to get home. Scary thought that all I had in the world was a 1/4 tank of gas and an ounce of weed… Quite a mess indeed.

I’m sorry for all of the harmless nights of drinking I ruined by eating one lousy chocolate (buy some if you get the chance great trip, minus the guilt.) but I had ruined a lot more. Maybe five hours is all I needed to light a fire under my ass to getup here, and start making money and really treat a girl I liked how she deserved to be treated. Whatever the real answer is I’m coming down and I’m waking Lorenzo up. I should go to bed, so I will.

No matter how much I was keeping Renzo awake, I was more awake. Hoping for daylight so I could at least go outside and hope for this night to be over so I could not be fucked up but remember the good ‘shrooms I had eaten, they are quite good, you should get some.

If you wish, read the more illegible original version on the next page:

BEWARE of ART’s Jen Gagne creates insect sculptures that are more dangerous, and far more intimidating, than the real ones. Funny thing is, they’re cute in a deadly I’ll-mess-you-up-man! sorta way.
via: Nyrath

DifferentSky has some funny epitaphs for the geek. Not being one to steal a person’s thunder, you’ll have to go there to see it.
While you’re there, check out the innovative, cute, and just plain fun guestblock. He’s releasing an install package for it soon, and I can tell you right now, this thing is gonna be big.

and this is sad: Paper macs for people who cant afford real ones. What makes it so sad, of course, is that I am one of those people, and I’ll probably throw the G5 kit on my rig for a few laughs… okay, because I’m a pathetic loser.

• Gentlemen Only…Ladies Forbidden” …and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
• The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
• Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
• Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
• Coca-Cola was originally green.
• It is impossible to lick your elbow.
• The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
  The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
• The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven : $6,400
• The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000
• Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
• The world’s youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
• The youngest pope was 11 years old.
• The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
• Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
  • Spades – King David
  • Hearts – Charlemagne
  • Clubs -Alexander, the Great
  • Diamonds – Julius Caesar
• 111,111,111 x 111,111,111
  = 12,345,678,987,654,321
• If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
• Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn’t added until 5 years later.
• Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of Their Birthplace
• Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
  A. Obsession
• Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter “A”?
  A. One thousand
• Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
  A. All invented by women.
• Q. What is the only food that doesn’t spoil?
  A. Honey
• In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase “goodnight, sleep tight”
• It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey-month….which we know today as the honeymoon
• In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts… So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them “Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down”. It’s where we get the phrase “mind your P’s and Q’s”
• Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. “Wet your whistle” is the phrase inspired by this practice.
• At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow

No, I didn’t lick my elbow when i read this, I’d read you can’t before… But I have tried.