Die Panzer-Fliegen

Its a slow day at the office today, but this is good. It gives us freedom to entrench ourselves and mount a riposte. Last night as I was preparing to depart from work, a very large fly appeared. I hit it dead on with a CD and when I lifted the CD, it just flew away. I followed it and repeated. It just brushed off my assault and flew away again! Thinking I must have missed I charged Kyle, who was working the night-shift, to dispatch my foe.

Coming in this morning I was relieved to see no fly, at least until my boss, Doretta, matter-of-factly shouted “Theres a fly in here!” Then we saw 2, then 3. The fly had somehow replicated itself.

Kyle was sure he’d killed the fly, and now its back. Clearly this was no ordinary fly. This was one of the mythical armored flies: The Panzer-fliegen.

Thus began the great Man-Fly Conflict of July ’07. We have no garbage, no left out food, and so we have no idea where this intruder came from. We can only conclude it has come to dispatch us and take our place of work as its own. This will not be allowed to happen.

So far we have had no casualties, despite repeated touch-and-go’s off my head and morale-squelching glares from atop our monitors and partitions.

Fear not, my good men and women, for these beasts are not invincible. We have thus far smote 6 of our enemies, though it takes repeated attempts at bludgeoning to do them in. No Sir, one whack of the phone book or flying ketchup packet will not do, not against these able foes. I have directly hit the same fly no fewer than 3 times before finally doing it in. Unless my eyes deceive me the second to last time it pushed the packet off itself before taking once again to the air. Despite this, I am confident we will reign victorious over these winged intruders. I shall keep you posted as time makes itself available. Onward!

Update

After a long an harrowing battle, it appears we have come out the victor of our conflict with the Panzer-fliegen. The gory details are too terrible to name here, but suffice it to say that Kyle got several paper cuts, I still feel like theres a fly walking on my head, taunting me, and the garbage pale is littered with the tortured carcasses of mangled foes. Yes, the battle was fierce, and the fliegen were quite cunning and resourceful, however the zeal of our enemies in spite of the fact that we are many factors of 10 more massive than they, ultimately lead to their defeat. Barring a coming back from the dead, I’d say the great Man-Fly Conflict is over. Mission Accomplished ladies and gentlemen!

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